Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
As I sat down to watch “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus”, I was extremely stoked to be watching yet another “so bad it’s good” SyFy Channel movie. To be clear, I was fully aware, that I was not sitting down to watch a movie of the same caliber as “Jaws”, or even “Jaws 2”, for that matter.
I consider SyFy movies to be in a sort of “pseudo-movie” genre, that is, a movie so cheesy, that even the actors seem to play along by overacting or revealing a telltale smirk now and then, and that is what makes these movies so enjoyable. That being said, it’s also entirely possible for the movie makers to miss the mark and take the cheesiness a little too far. This results in a truly horrible movie that is neither entertaining, nor tolerable for longer than 5 minutes of viewing. “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” ended up walking a very thin line, slightly teetering into the “unwatchable” category while also keeping me entertained enough that I didn’t feel a need to summon up the energy to change the channel.
As far as the movie’s plot, the title is pretty much self-explanatory. A prehistoric “mega shark” and “giant octopus” are accidentally unfrozen from a giant ice block near Alaska and they start terrorizing the world (as most giant prehistoric creatures do). Now, this sounds like it has all the makings of a great “monster battle” movie, along the lines of Godzilla vs Mothra. Ironically though, the scenes where we see these monsters actually trying to destroy something (or each other), are extremely scarce, and unfortunately they are also some of the worst quality scenes in the movie as far as special effects go.
Helicopter exploding on impact with giant tentacle
The destruction scenes involving the shark and octopus had great potential but look like they were slapped together in an hour on an outdated version of Photoshop. Seriously, if orchestrated correctly, a giant shark leaping out of the water to grab a 747 out of the sky could be pure genius! With a little more time and talent spent on CGI, this outrageous scene could have crossed the line from completely ridiculous to freaking awesome! Unfortunately, that scene ended up looking like a blurry photo of a shark superimposed on stock footage of a plane that was flipped back and forth to simulate movement along with some random flames dropped in via computer. Explosions in the movie were just as bad…every vehicle was “hyper-explosive” as seen when one swipe of a Giant Octopus tentacle makes a helicopter explode instantly in a fiery ball like it was full of rigged dynamite. Evidently there was a special on fireworks that ended up fitting the budget better than a few talented CGI artists.
Debbie, aka “Deborah”, Gibson
The movie spends extremely too much time focused on dragged out discussions between Deborah Gibson, as the oceanologist Emma MacNeal, and the same few characters, namely her ex-professor, an Asian scientist and Lorenzo Lamas cast as a “random head of some unnamed government department”. I know, you’re thinking what I was when I first saw ads for the movie…Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas? Seriously? They’re not even “SyFy” movie regulars!…and Debbie Gibson is a singer for God’s sake! When I sat down to watch the movie however, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Ms. Gibson actually has real acting talent. She was so relaxed and natural in her role that I could have sworn she’d been in at least 10 other “Made for SyFy” movies before this one. I would even go so far as to say she was the best actor in this whole movie. Seriously, someone needs to get her a role on “Eureka” or something.
Lorenzo Lamas stuck in the early 90’s
Lorenzo Lamas, on the other hand – completely nauseating. Dude STILL has his hair greased back and in a pony tail and is STILL wearing a tight black shirt and black pants, making him look like a sleazy guy stuck in the early 90’s hanging at the club to hit on 21-year-olds. His acting in this movie was so lifeless, even some attempt at overacting would have been more tolerable. It was like he was there to recite random lines off a script with the sole purpose of attempting to seduce Debbie Gibson with his cheesy cologne-reeking smile.
Pic of “Bobby Sixkiller” from the early 90’s with Lorenzo who has the same cheesy hairstyle as in the movie!
I don’t know if I watched too many episodes of “Renegade” in the early 90’s but I seriously think Lorenzo Lamas just can’t appear tough without “Bobby SixKiller” (Branscombe Richmond) at his side. It’s like he’s half a man without his trusty Indian sidekick. They could have easily added a whole new dimension to the movie by writing in his character with some “Native American Mega Shark legend” subplot that explained the mystical background of the creatures. That would have been the greatest “Renegade” reunion ever! Sadly however, the biggest contribution Lorenzo Lamas made to this movie was his referral to the giant shark as “Sharkzilla”…which is actually a truly classic moment in the film.
Mega Shark “biting” the apparently tasty Golden Gate Bridge
Overall, “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus” merits 3 out of 5 wedges on the “cheese scale”. To attain a more respectable level of “cheese-dom” there should have been an attempt to make the “unreal” special effects appear more real, no matter how ridiculous they were. We know a giant prehistoric shark is not going to bite the Golden Gate bridge in half, but wouldn’t it be cool to see what it would look like (realistically) if it did? And they could have really recast Lorenzo Lamas with more of a SyFy movie stand-by like Lou Diamond Phillips. He actually seems to care more about his role than whether or not his ponytail has enough gel in it. Debbie Gibson is what carried the movie. She showed that she has real acting talent, even in a cheesy SyFy movie, which even for the most seasoned actors is not a feat to easily accomplish.
